Hammock: I’ll go ahead and ask the question on everyone’s mind (no, not “Where’s Jim?”): How did the bespectacled fellow from Mad Men pull Malin Akerman? Is he funny or something? Anyway, this movie looks fairly promising, what with the little Sundance leaves in the title card and all. It should be fun to see Pam Beasley step out from behind the receptionist desk and take on a semi-serious role… even if it is opposite a giant man-robot. While these quirky little indie romantic comedies almost always pique my interest, I sometimes find them on the trite side, but we’ll give this one the benefit of the doubt. Here’s to hoping for Garden State, but expecting Lars and the Real Girl.
Rabbitt: I think we all know the answer to how he pulled Malin Akerman… his superior abilities in the area of mental math. They strike again! I’m sure you have experienced this in your life as well. Generally, I like this type of movie. At worst, I’m looking at a movie that is just okay with little chance to bomb with me. The real question though: Is the Tin Man only after Pam’s heart because the Wizard turned him away?
Step Up Revolution
Rabbitt: One small step up for man, one giant leap down for movie goers. The best part about watching this trailer on YouTube is that it recommends Justin Bieber’s new single “Boyfriend” at the end. I guess they are shooting for the 99% here with their protest dancing while the big bad businessman uses money that he earned while working a job to buy up all the cool stuff.
The nerve. The only place Step Up Revolution is going to occupy is the dollar theater about a week after release.
Hammock: If I’m watching this movie, I’m rooting for Sandy Cohen from the O.C. (Don’t call it that.) Seriously, I hope all those dancers go to jail for causing that traffic jam. Pop, lock, don’t drop the soap. And if you’re gonna dance to protest Miami millionaires, at least pick ones worth the funk assembly… the Miami Marlins. Worst uniforms ever? You’re right Stephan, the businessman probably worked his tail off, doing hours upon hours of mental math to get where he’s at in life, only to be made the villain by a bunch of tools doing the running man. What is it about South Beach that makes so many losers want to take their talents there?
Rock of Ages
Hammock: Country music is the worst musical genre, but 80s hair metal isn’t far behind. This movie revolves around the music of Bon Jovi, Journey, Poison, and a handful of other bands I won’t let within a mile of my iPod, so I just don’t see myself enjoying this one. As is the case with Step Up 4, if I am forced into seeing this movie, I’ll be rooting for the rich, uptight businessperson (this time it’s Catherine Zeta-Jones) to prevail over the obnoxious, raucous youth. I’m a big fan of Malin, but not of metal, musicals, or miscreants… all the Akermans in the world won’t change that. Even if Twisted Sister themselves offer me a free ticket, I’m not gonna take it.
Rabbitt: It seems the editor is sorting this week’s trailers by Ackerman. Keep it up, T.S. Apparently, Anne Hathaway and Amy Adams were initially offered the role but were previously engaged with Dark Knight Rises and Man of Steel, respectively. Rock of Ages didn’t really have a prayer with us. I also don’t care for 80’s rock. I’m actually a huge fan of a bar in Atlanta where the bartenders have a button to skip songs played on the jukebox and skip Journey every time someone plays it. Anyway you want it… psych!
To Rome with Love
Rabbitt: As much as I loved Midnight in Paris, it’s no surprise that I’m very excited about Woody Allen’s next release. The trailer has the same ambiance as MiP; I feel like they moved to Rome, changed the cadence of the accordion and called it a day. Last time I saw Ellen Page was Inception, where she was excellent, but it’s great to see her back in the type of movie that showcases her acting talent a bit more. I still haven’t seen Social Network, so this will serve as my gentle, Jessie Eisenbergish reminder that it’s 2012.
Hammock: Gotta love Ellen Page. Or do I? As much as I liked her as Juno and Babe Ruthless, her character in this one seems like a giant ho-bag. Ms. Page serves as a microcosm of my feelings toward Woody Allen movies: I want to like them, but sometimes I just can’t. Like Stephan, I liked Mid**ght in Paris, mostly because it was lighthearted and endearing, but many Woody Allen movies are so morally flawed that I can’t get behind them. I realize, of course, that 99% of people in Hollywood don’t share my ideals, but for some reason Woody Allen strikes me as particularly morally bankrupt. Maybe it’s the whole married-to-his-daughter thing. Anyway, I’m a fan of Game of Thrones, which is completely devoid of any morality, so I’m kind of a hypocrite. Still, that’s a heck of a lot better than that whole married-to-your-daughter thing.
David Hammock and Stephan Rabbitt are both excellent at mental math… ladies. For demonstrations of their skills you should send them flash cards or follow them on Twitter@david_hammock and @itsrabbitt.
March 23: Hunger Games Edition
Editor’s Note: The Hunger Games opens this weekend and will no doubt approach Harry Potter box office numbers ($150 million). Especially, with IMAX tickets that cost something like $35 with a super huge small popcorn. In honor of the movie’s release, FoW MTR reviewed all the trailers to whet your appetite for the blockbuster. Don’t worry, the puns get worse from here.
Rabbitt: This is just a great teaser. When this was released, most everyone knew of Jennifer Lawrence. Maybe it was from her Oscar-nominated performance in Winter’s Bone, her not-as-disguised-as-often-as-you-would-think Mystique in X-Men First Class, or her heart-breaking portrayal of Sam in Like Crazy. I love the isolation. All we see is J-Law, which is never a bad thing. But here, it also serves to show that this is an every boy and girl for themselves battle, especially given that we all knew a little bit about the story prior to watching. And I’m not sure if it is because I grew up on The Legend of Zelda, but I just love the bow and arrow as a weapon. 5 stars.
Hammock: Let me preface this by saying that I’m a big, big fan of the books and I’ll do my best not to be a douche about details and spoilers. For those who have read the books, this trailer is about one thing: Katniss. At this point, we all knew that J-Law would be portraying the protagonist and readers everywhere were dying to see how the silver screen version of Katniss stacked up to the Katniss in their imaginations. I, for one, was happy. It’s hard to be dissatisfied any time you get an eyeful of Jennifer Lawrence, but I was a little worried that she wouldn’t pass for a 16 year old. She’s close enough. Certainly closer than the cast of Saved by the Bell. The teaser also gives us a small taste of the plot, just enough to get us excited.Capitol job, teaser trailer maker. 5 stars for you… and 1 special, sensual star just for you, J-Law.
Hammock: Watching these Hunger Games trailers reminds me of watching Harry Pottertrailers back in the day. I would pause during every scene to try to figure out what was what from the book. I’ve matured a lot since then… I mean, I only paused this one like three times. All in all, I think the trailer is a good, straightforward summary of the plot. It’s pretty simple really: Running Man with innocent children instead of criminals. Or is it more like Breakfast Club with weapons? I wonder if they’ll give Lenny Kravitz a chance at some quality meta. I can totally see his character exclaiming that he “wants to get away” or asking Katniss if she’s “gonna go his way.” He is Lenny Kravitz after all… he can do whatever the Effie wants. That’s right, I’m ending all my responses with awful Hunger Games puns.
Rabbitt: David and I are examples of the two types of people that will be going to see this movie: those who have read the book and those that haven’t. I will not be disappointed by any differences between the book and the movie because I have not read it. However, this trailer was of paramount importance for those that had read the book. For the first time, they get to compare the spectacle that was bound only by their imagination to the Hollywood production. The characters now have an identity. Were you picturing Lenny Kravitz as Cinna before? Well you will be from now on! Coming from someone that hasn’t read the book, I think the trailer is great.
Rabbitt: Those of us who haven’t read the book have seen the gold bird with an arrow in its grasp on Hunger Games posters and trailers, but we find out what to call it and get our first look at the characters with the mockingjay in this final trailer. Otherwise, we get most of the same material as the main theatrical trailer. Everybody is locked, loaded and ready to go. I’ve got my ticket for tonight in IMAX and I’m only mildly upset that I won’t get to wear this shirt to the theater.
Hammock: I’m actually going to refrain from watching this last trailer because it will just upset me. You see, I couldn’t go to the midnight showing last night because I had to teach school this morning and I’m experiencing some very real Hunger pangs. However, not unlike the cylons, I have a plan: to help quell (Pun #3!) my sorrow, I’m going to have a reaping at school today. I’ll randomly select one boy and one girl from each class, give them detention, then have them fight over the right to leave detention early and earn a pizza party for their district… I mean period. I’ll even splurge for deep dish. That’s right kids, if you win, you canPanem. (Ha, that bonus pun is so bad, I’ll forgo the obvious option to add Cinna sticks).
David Hammock and Stephan Rabbitt believe the odds are ever in their favor, unless you’re talking about getting with Jennifer Lawrence. You can follow their excited reactions about The Hunger Games on Twitter at @david_hammock & @itsrabbitt
March 16: Battlefield America, What To Expect When You’re Expecting, & Delicacy
Hammock: I spent my entire childhood playing with GI Joes, not knowing that there existed a fabulous world of competitive children’s street dancing. Well, at least I know now… and knowing is half the battle… but “this isn’t a battle, this is war.”
Rabbitt: I would just really like to see Marquez Houston in more movies. #sh*tnobodysaysexceptmarquezhouston.
TS: Guys, I know that my job with these FoW MTR posts is to find trailers and get out of the way. But I can’t do that today. I just can’t. You’ve both given short shrift to a trailer that is so ambitiously awful that I can’t sit idly by without sharing my thoughts on this awesomeness brought to us by the people who brought us You Got Served.
0:09- City skyline with raucous stadium cheering. Battlefield = a competition. Got it. But what kind?
0:10- 0:14- ”This is the biggest battlefield in American history.” Why are there tents indoors with crowds of cheering people? 0:15- ZOMG! Dancing! The battlefield is a dancing competition! Nothing generates more excitement than the line “From the team that brought you You Got Served!” It’s like four March Madness buzzer beaters! 0:17- Why do the dancers look like their twelve? What’s going on here? Is Battlefield Americaabout the long struggle of youngsters who only want to be on America’s Best Dance Crew? 0:35- Dance battles always lead to real battles. Always. This is a cautionary tale. 0:37-0:44- When I said the dancers were twelve, I way overestimated. If anyone in this crew has to look after their little brother, they’d have to carry around a diaper bag. So young. So real. So much dancing. 0:45- 0:48- Black vs. White. Even Obama’s election can’t solve the entrenched beliefs of these six year olds. 0:50- More child violence. I want to turn away but can’t. 1:02 - 1:05- Marques Houston and the evil white guy from Orange County from You Got Served! Are these their kids? Please let them be their children. 1:05 - 1:49 A lot of dancing and some dialogue. I can’t pay attention. I’m distracted that the evil white guy from Orange County hasn’t changed his ways now that he’s a parent. I’m feeling nostalgic. Did Omarion marry Marques Houston sister? Did they live happily-ever-high school? What about college? Did O hit a growth spurt or does he still have to wear lifts to be taller than his girl? 1:50- Looking past how amazing this movie will be, I’m glad that the Hollywood producers placed eight year olds dancing against each other in proper context by calling it a war. You know, especially after everyone on the planet has watched the Kony 2012 video. I could go on and break down the inevitable Mindless Behavior or Diggy cameos, but I won’t. (Knowing about Mindless Behavior and Diggy is definitely something I should throw up on my future Match.com profile). In any event, I look forward to waiting in line to see this movie… at the dollar theater… four weeks after it opens. Can’t wait! Now back to you guys.
What to Expect When You’re Expecting
Rabbitt: Soundtrack alert: Sleeper Agent’s “Get it Daddy” opens up the trailer (see what they did there). Most of this movie was filmed in and around Atlanta, home of the Braves. Much of the trailer footage shows off Piedmont Park. I’ve seen Sleeper Agent in concert 3 times. I’ve seen Piedmont Park many times. I will see this movie 0 times.
Hammock: I’d watch this movie just to see Atlanta (my hometown) in the background… kinda like how I like watching The Walking Dead because it’s filmed near my old house… and because it’s awesome. This is a grab bag cast with some funny people (Jim Dangle and Rob Huebel rocking some Georgia Tech swag!) and ), some people who others think are funny and I don’t (Chris Rock, babies) and for some inexplicable reason, Brooklyn Decker. Actually, there are two big reasons Brooklyn Decker is in this or any movie… I think every guy knows what they are… talent and charisma. I’m not as opposed to seeing this one as you Stephan, but I’d much rather see Sleeper Agent in concert… almost as much as Brooklyn Decker would like to see her husband in a Grand Slam final.
Hammock: I told you every French movie starred Audrey Tautou! Now, I don’t speak French, but it seems like the point of this movie is that Tautou falls in love with a dude who’s Frenchin’ ugly. This is a somewhat unexplored theme in American cinema (except in Adam Sandler movies) so leave it to the French to teach us Americans a thing or two about inner beauty. I tell ya, France is really on a roll in Hollywood right now. The Artist, Hugo, Midnight in Paris, Napoleon Dynamite, now this… they’re le taking ovre.
Rabbitt: You know what is an unexplored theme in French cinema? Diversity. This looks like a nice story with beautiful scenery. Although, it won’t beat Piedmont Park with the Atlanta backdrop. Like David, I also do not speak French. However, I can see that our vaguely familiar (but probably not) male lead is big and goofy, runs into glass doors, knocks over wine bottles, and still gets the girl. He must be great at mental math or something.
March 9: Frankenweenie, That’s My Boy, Men in Black 3, & Womb
Rabbitt: A black and white movie with a dog in a starring role? Somebody is trying to play off some Oscar success. I have not seen much of Tim Burton’s stuff. That will not be changing with this one, even though I’m sure it will be entertaining enough. I really don’t even know why you would want to bring the dog back to life. I mean, they just dogs. Right, Clinton Portis?
Hammock: It’s the age-old story. Boy loves dog. Dog dies. Boy learns about life and maybe a red fern grows or something. Well, it’s close. Tim Burton forgoes the whole life lesson thing and opts for pet reanimation instead. Frankenweenie is in the style of other Burton films like The Nightmare Before Christmas and The Corpse Bride, but it’s actually a remake of his ownlive-action movie of the same name. I like Tim Burton movies fine, some more than others, but I don’t know if I’ll being seeing this one. 1) I’m a cat person. And 2) One of my cats just died and I just don’t know if I’ll be emotionally ready for Frankenweenie… when it comes out seven months from now.
That’s My Boy
Hammock:“You puked on my wedding dress and then you (had sex) with it?!” How could a movie with this line possibly be bad? Probably very easily. It’s a shame too. Look at the list of cast and crew and you’ll see a bevy of talented actors and writers. Frustratingly, most of them have resumes full of movies and shows than run the gamut from genius to garbage. Take Adam Sandler: he can be funny and he actually has some legitimate acting chops, but he’s in loads of terrible movies because he settles. The writers of That’s My Boy are the same way. They’re responsible for Role Models, Wet Hot American Summer, Children’s Hospital, Happy Endings, Party Down. Yet they come out with a movie whose trailer (and therefore most likely the entire movie) is filled with fart and penis jokes. Come on guys, you’re obviously gifted. You can do better than this. Heck, I can do better than this. You owe me and Blair Waldorf more than this. On a positive note, kudos to the director for somehow fitting Rex Ryan’s entire body into frame. Zing!
Rabbitt: This looks like a post Weekend Update sketch on SNL, except for 2 hours. I’ll second everything David said and hop on a different soap box. Who pays to watch Adam Sandler movies these days? I’m aware that the answer is “tons of people”… I’d just like to know who to be mad at. Let’s consider these movies, their Rotten Tomatoes score, and their US box office gross. Jack & Jill: 3%, $74.2mil. Zookeeper: 14%, $80.4mil. Just Go With It: 19%, $103mil. Grown Ups: 10%, $162mil. (WHAT!) Hugo: 93%, $71.3mil. Now, everyone make sure you go vote for your preferred Presidential candi… actually, on second thought, just stay home.
Men in Black 3
Hammock: This must be a dream come true for Will Smith because Men in Black pretty closely resembles his religion of Scientology. There are monsters, spaceships, people being brainwashed… it’s like Dianetics coming to life before his eyes! Sorry. It’s probably not nice to make fun of Will Smith… though he probably deserves it for as many times as he poked fun at Uncle Phil and Carlton. So, about the movie… I’m not hopeful. The first MiB was good, but the second one was sub-par. I’m guessing this one isn’t gonna be any better than the latter.
Rabbitt: It’s the good guys dressed in black, remember that? Yea, barely. It’s been 10 long years since these galaxy defenders were last on screen. Will Smith has saved the planet many, many times. And while I appreciate his efforts in doing so, I’ll likely pass on this particular rendition of Will Smith saving the world $150 million at a time.
Hammock: Eww. This is wrong. Woody Allen and Roman Polanski think this is wrong. I get that someone would do anything to get their lover back and I can sorta kinda maybe see considering being the one to birth him if that was the only option, but Eva Green is obviously doing this with the intent to jump her lover/son’s bones ASAP. Perhaps Vesper could consult the young man from Frankenweenie for other options?
Rabbitt: I had planned on comparing Eva Green to Joaquin Phoenix, in that I hate him because he stabbed Maximus in the back before they fought in Gladiator and that influences my view of other characters he plays. Similarly, Eva Green played Vesper, the two-timing slut wagon, in Casino Royale. However, after watching this trailer, I don’t even remember what she did in Casino Royale. What a creepster.
David Hammock and Stephan Rabbitt cry at Adam Sandler movie…’s box office numbers. Follow them on Twitter @david_hammock and @itsrabbitt.