The Giant Mechanical Man
Hammock: I’ll go ahead and ask the question on everyone’s mind (no, not “Where’s Jim?”): How did the bespectacled fellow from Mad Men pull Malin Akerman? Is he funny or something? Anyway, this movie looks fairly promising, what with the little Sundance leaves in the title card and all. It should be fun to see Pam Beasley step out from behind the receptionist desk and take on a semi-serious role… even if it is opposite a giant man-robot. While these quirky little indie romantic comedies almost always pique my interest, I sometimes find them on the trite side, but we’ll give this one the benefit of the doubt. Here’s to hoping for Garden State, but expecting Lars and the Real Girl.
Rabbitt: I think we all know the answer to how he pulled Malin Akerman… his superior abilities in the area of mental math. They strike again! I’m sure you have experienced this in your life as well. Generally, I like this type of movie. At worst, I’m looking at a movie that is just okay with little chance to bomb with me. The real question though: Is the Tin Man only after Pam’s heart because the Wizard turned him away?
Step Up Revolution
Rabbitt: One small step up for man, one giant leap down for movie goers. The best part about watching this trailer on YouTube is that it recommends Justin Bieber’s new single “Boyfriend” at the end. I guess they are shooting for the 99% here with their protest dancing while the big bad businessman uses money that he earned while working a job to buy up all the cool stuff.
The nerve. The only place Step Up Revolution is going to occupy is the dollar theater about a week after release.
Hammock: If I’m watching this movie, I’m rooting for Sandy Cohen from the O.C. (Don’t call it that.) Seriously, I hope all those dancers go to jail for causing that traffic jam. Pop, lock, don’t drop the soap. And if you’re gonna dance to protest Miami millionaires, at least pick ones worth the funk assembly… the Miami Marlins. Worst uniforms ever? You’re right Stephan, the businessman probably worked his tail off, doing hours upon hours of mental math to get where he’s at in life, only to be made the villain by a bunch of tools doing the running man. What is it about South Beach that makes so many losers want to take their talents there?
Rock of Ages
Hammock: Country music is the worst musical genre, but 80s hair metal isn’t far behind. This movie revolves around the music of Bon Jovi, Journey, Poison, and a handful of other bands I won’t let within a mile of my iPod, so I just don’t see myself enjoying this one. As is the case with Step Up 4, if I am forced into seeing this movie, I’ll be rooting for the rich, uptight businessperson (this time it’s Catherine Zeta-Jones) to prevail over the obnoxious, raucous youth. I’m a big fan of Malin, but not of metal, musicals, or miscreants… all the Akermans in the world won’t change that. Even if Twisted Sister themselves offer me a free ticket, I’m not gonna take it.
Rabbitt: It seems the editor is sorting this week’s trailers by Ackerman. Keep it up, T.S. Apparently, Anne Hathaway and Amy Adams were initially offered the role but were previously engaged with Dark Knight Rises and Man of Steel, respectively. Rock of Ages didn’t really have a prayer with us. I also don’t care for 80’s rock. I’m actually a huge fan of a bar in Atlanta where the bartenders have a button to skip songs played on the jukebox and skip Journey every time someone plays it. Anyway you want it… psych!
To Rome with Love
Rabbitt: As much as I loved Midnight in Paris, it’s no surprise that I’m very excited about Woody Allen’s next release. The trailer has the same ambiance as MiP; I feel like they moved to Rome, changed the cadence of the accordion and called it a day. Last time I saw Ellen Page was Inception, where she was excellent, but it’s great to see her back in the type of movie that showcases her acting talent a bit more. I still haven’t seen Social Network, so this will serve as my gentle, Jessie Eisenbergish reminder that it’s 2012.
Hammock: Gotta love Ellen Page. Or do I? As much as I liked her as Juno and Babe Ruthless, her character in this one seems like a giant ho-bag. Ms. Page serves as a microcosm of my feelings toward Woody Allen movies: I want to like them, but sometimes I just can’t. Like Stephan, I liked Mid**ght in Paris, mostly because it was lighthearted and endearing, but many Woody Allen movies are so morally flawed that I can’t get behind them. I realize, of course, that 99% of people in Hollywood don’t share my ideals, but for some reason Woody Allen strikes me as particularly morally bankrupt. Maybe it’s the whole married-to-his-daughter thing. Anyway, I’m a fan of Game of Thrones, which is completely devoid of any morality, so I’m kind of a hypocrite. Still, that’s a heck of a lot better than that whole married-to-your-daughter thing.
David Hammock and Stephan Rabbitt are both excellent at mental math… ladies. For demonstrations of their skills you should send them flash cards or follow them on Twitter@david_hammock and @itsrabbitt.